we have officially lost it.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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