Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
