My cat gives me a boner
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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