get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
