Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
