You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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