I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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