After last night, I could never be a politician.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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