I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
