don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
