in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
