I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
