so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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