That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
