Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
