Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
