So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
