I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
