thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
