My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
