oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
