Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
