She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
