when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
