at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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