He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The best revenge is premature balding
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
