Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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