First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
