i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
