Say something about gay babies.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
