Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
50% drunk capacity currently
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
