Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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