Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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