I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
