Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
