I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
