Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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