dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
