I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
