I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
