i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
organizing the empties. That sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
