I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
