Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
