I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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