At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
