i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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