So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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