i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
