We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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