the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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