____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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